Have you guys seen that clip

Go off Kermit

we're just normal men

Listen all u internet goers……. I know everyone has some wild catfish stories and I need to know them

okay so for legal reasons this is all a very funny joke and none of it is real I promise

basically there’s a property listing floating out there somewhere online that lists my phone number as a contact for the owner of a house in a suburb of [redacted], ohio, even though that is a town I have never lived in. about two years ago, I started getting calls and texts from people who were asking if I was interested in selling the property. when I told them no and they had the wrong number, the amount of calls increased, and I had to block their numbers. 

since then, once about every 3 months I get a call or text from people wanting to buy this house in ohio as they think I’m the owner. I got fed up at one point and just started replying “yeah I might be interested in selling, but the property I have is haunted. like super haunted. lots of ghosts everywhere, so you’ll have to get rid of those before putting it on the market.” to my delight, they stopped replying after that, so I now do that when I get these messages. 

the last time it happened was actually just a few weeks ago, and the guy texting me on behalf of this house flipping operation actually offered to pay for an exorcism. I replied by telling him I was pretty sure the ghosts were protestant, so if he brought a priest in it had better not be catholic. he has yet to reply.

You are having literally the funniest possible reaction to an infuriating scam

listen the only way to beat a scam like that is to give them a reaction that is just way more bizarre than whatever they started with. crank the bonkers energy up to an 11 and they’ll leave you alone

Ppl who think the only form of queer representation is two ppl kissing are boring and will not survive winter

Ppl who think the only form of queer representation is two ppl kissing are boring and will not survive winter

some time ago i introduced the phrase "food pact" to my friends as a shorthand for "i'll go make and eat food if you also make and eat food" and ever since then ive just started incorporating more pacts into my life. stay hydrated pact. stretch break pact. stop doomscrolling and go to bed pact. we need to bring this back in vogue more people should be making pacts imo

the best part of this is when you ask "who wants to do a shower pact" and you get a half dozen friends all rolling up saying "the pact is sealed". faustian behavior

DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one